Dear Lesley.

I used to feel so care free but since becoming a teenager things have changed. I worry about everything!

Do you know what it feels like when my anxiety strikes at 04:20 am ????? Let me tell you…

Once I am awake there is no going back. One thought enters my mind and I become consumed by it. My body becomes so tight I struggle to breathe, just like Mowgli in Jungle book when he is surrounded by Kaa!

Once it starts it triggers more and more thoughts until I cant breathe. I look at every moment passing by on the clock, the dread building in me for the day ahead. I don’t know how I will face it.

Physically it is so uncomfortable and the only way I can describe it is to say;
“It was like my anxiety is tightly wrapped around my body causing my heart to beat faster and louder and my body temperature rises” Just like a boa constrictor.

It happens most days & nights. Sometimes I feel it coming on at school when I need to speak out in front of the other kids. I can feel the other kids staring, sniggering because I am frozen with anxiety. Frozen with fear of saying the wrong thing. It plays in my head all night until its time to live the day over again…

I don’t tell my friends about it, they wouldn’t understand! I couldn’t bare to tell them, I would have no friends and people would call me a weirdo! And as for my parents? No chance! They don’t understand what its like to be a teenager, especially at my school! They think I’m just being moody because of hormones, but its more than that.

Lesley, what is going on with me? Why am I always filled with dread early in the mornings?

From, ‘The Bored Teen’


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